I’m going to be so blunt as to say I HATE what I see in the mirror. I know, I know, we’re supposed to love ourselves and accept ourselves no matter what. Well, you know what? I do not accept that what I see in the mirror is me. I am not that person – not really. I am forced to be that person because I have thyroid disease. Welcome to my pity party – I gained weight. What I don’t know is HOW??? I am not a junk food eater. I do not gulp Mountain Dew all day long. I chase a very busy 1-year-old around – I should not be putting on the pounds. I don’t feel like I ever sit down – and I certainly never relax. I work, I chase, I play, I clean, I wash… I’m not lazy! So why do I keep gaining weight? I suppose I should just accept that this new body is my new reality and learn to embrace (and dress) it. But it’s a difficult thing to do. I’ve never had weight issues or struggled one way or another. I’ve been lucky that way. I guess my luck has run out.
Now that you’ve had the pleasure of my rant, I must say: I have found and read so many good articles and/or posts on thyroid disease this morning that I am on the verge of tears. What I see in all of these articles/posts is hope. Hope that doctors will soon treat the patient and not the numbers. I’m convinced that that is exactly what 80% to 90% of the doctors out there are doing.
I like my doctors, I do! They’re both great people and I owe my GP big time for even thinking to test my thyroid to begin with. And I was so excited to have a specialist. And I desperately want to be the person who is simply treated with a little pill once a day and whose life returns to normal with this treatment and everything is fine and dandy once again. But everyday I am more and more convinced that I am not going to be that person. I am in need of a doctor who will listen to me when I say I’m still not right. What I do not need is the doctor who tells me that my retention of this weight is due to having a baby at my age, or that my joints aching and near-daily headaches are simply due to the work I do and the aging process. I’m 38, not 68 and I’m not supposed to feel this way. Everyday should not be filled with aches and pains. I do not think I should have to feel grateful when my head only hurts a little instead of pounding. I should not have to be thankful that I didn’t have an “episode” for one whole day. I shouldn’t have to hope that my son doesn’t remember growing up with this mom who may or may not have a meltdown at the slightest thing.
If you’re a mess and you know it clap your hands. *clap clap clap*
Due to what I have been reading lately, I think I’m going to seek the assistance of a naturopathic doctor. There is a holistic center very near where I live that I read about on Thyroid Sexy (a VERY good Facebook page!!!) and researched further on my own. I think I need to go see what they have to say. I think my son and I both deserve that.